Missed Connection

The problem with me is that I think there are no problems with me?  HAHAHA that is stupid.

Lately, my gf and I go out, and whenever we drink, we argue.  Always about something stupid.

Last week, some guy grabbed her ass, she turned around, he said something, she said something, he handed her a beer, she left and came back to me as we were leaving.

I was upset that she had a beer, because she had no money.  She says some guy gave it to her, she also got some shots or a shot from someone else.

I wanted to know where mine were, aren’t we together?

She felt like she did nothing wrong.  I explained that if you accept drinks from the guy after he grabs you, you are condoning his behavior, and basically saying, it’s ok to grab women, or you in particular, in exchange for bottled beer.

She and I disagreed, and argued and during the argument, she and I exchanged heated words, and she cried, I then said something like, “why don’t you just go cry outside, and leave.”

That drove her nuts, and she started packing.

I told her that if she left, she was not going to be allowed to return to the relationship, but I’d hold her things and send them wherever she’d like.

We eventually reconciled that evening.

This week, we went out to celebrate a friends birthday and while we were out, the cigarette promotion guy came buy and asked if we smoked, etc….

None of us do, except my friend who declined to get the products (lighters, coupons for free packs, etc…)

My gf decided that she needed the products so she starts chatting up the representative and starts flirting with him and ignoring me.

I flip her off, but she is so enamored she doesn’t even notice.

I am sitting there, and she is asking this guy what his name is, where is he from, what else can she get from him.

I get upset, and she tells me she was not flirting, she says I was flirting earlier, with my friends fiance.

I am confused, because I wasn’t even talking to that girl, she was just talking to the table.  But she did touch my back.

We argue some, quietly this time, we’re in public after all, so I get a cab and we ride home and I ask her what the hell is she doing?

She denied flirting, says she was just being friendly and making conversation.

I explained that is what flirting is, being friendly and making conversation.

She then tells me she feels like I don’t want her and she is unhappy because I am so sad.  And she will leave in the morning, and she spends the night sobbing loud.

I don’t even yell or argue about it, I tell her to please talk to me or please keep the sobbing down.

I make some ramen, eat and go to bed.

It’s two weeks of going out, and two weeks of fighting.

She doesn’t trust me, and I don’t trust her.

But I do trust her, and she does trust me, just we are always on the lookout for reasons to not trust.

It doesn’t make sense to me either, it doesn’t read right, unfortunately I do not know how to explain it better, at least not right now.

She doesn’t think I want to be with her, because Kia died, and April 7th is the anniversary of her death.  She is jealous of a dead woman, and that is unfortunate because I can’t lie and tell her I don’t miss or love Kia. And my new gf is unhappy about that.

Maybe it is something else.  I’ve never given her a reason to not trust me, I’ve always been honest and open with my feelings.

I love this woman, I take care of her, she takes care of me, we are planning to do lots of things, but she doesn’t operate like I do and we keep missing each other.

We are slightly different temperatures or something, and it never mixes well for long before something happens that lets us both know that it is not mixing well.

I wish she would just talk to me and tell me what is up, and why she is unhappy, but she claims she is fine.

I’m certain she is unhappy, but she is unwilling to open up and talk.

She prefers to write in her journal, which is private and for her only.

She does read this blog though, which does not bother me.

I am curious to see what happens next.